I Guess I Need To Post An Update

Well this is probably the hardest blog posting I have ever written. The last several weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me and my family. On 2-18-09 I went back for another ultrasound only to discover Twin A no longer had a heartbeat and all that remained of Twin B was a sac filled with blood (two sacs not one as they originally reported). I called my new OB who would have handled the pregnancy and delivery to tell them of the US and faxed them the report. My appointment was moved up to 2-23-09.

I met the doctor that following Monday and apparently infection had started to set in. Not enough time to do a hysterectomy like I wanted and a D&C was scheduled for the following day. The surgery did not go that well and I lost a lot of blood and had to be admitted. The doctor was afraid that I would require and emergency hysterectomy the following day if the bleeding did not stop. I was placed on pitocin which all moms know hurts like hell but it did it’s job and stopped the bleeding by way of contracting my uterus. Needless to say it was a long and painful night.

According to the doctor the placenta was embedded way more than he would have anticipated this early in the pregnancy. Had I gone to term I may not have survived. I am so fulled of mixed emotions. I am very sad at the death of both babies but in another way glad I did not have to make the decision to terminate due to my risks as it is something I don’t think I could have done. However the nightmare continues with infection. I went for my post op follow up this past friday only to discover that I have an infection which the doctor warned me could happen. Now I am on two nasty antibiotics along with the high dose of iron that is already making me ill!

Now the next stage of this battle is to decide what to do (trying to be optimistic that the antibiotics will stop the infection). This surgery brought with it a lot of complications that makes the next steps a little frightening. Not only did I have bleeding issues but breathing as well. I have ITP and anemia, neither are at any alarming rates but present reasons to be concerned. Following surgery I have a difficult time getting my Blood Oxy rate back up which caused me to be admitted now twice after routine outpatient surgery. The Essure procedure seemed to be like a good option until I discussed it with my doctor. Apparently insurance may only cover a small portion of the procedure and not the follow up testing which is apparently not very pleasant to insure the procedure took. I will talk to my doctor more about other options after he is sure the infection has cleared, which is his main concern at the moment.

These last several weeks do not feel real to me. I am extremely tired, emotionally drained and very depressed. Nobody should ever go through what I have. I wish I would have taken charge of my medical care and instead of trusting my doctor. I should have researched it as I would have if it was my children’s health at issue. Had I known what I do now I would have insisted the doctor do a hysterectomy as I wanted or at least a traditional tubal along with the ablation. Just because someone is a doctor does not mean they know what they are doing or keeping up with the latest information. Had this doctor been keeping up with the news regarding the procedure he was peddling he would have known to do a tubal at the same time he was looking for endometriosis! Yes there are many emotions I am dealing with at the moment. Depression, grieving, anger, hurt and scared. I hope women who are considering ablation find postings and can make sure their doctors know what they are doing. I also hope that women who have had the procedure read this posting before this happens to them.

Do I need a publicist?

Do I need a publicist? Surely if Nadya Suleman needs one I need one!! After all Nadya’s pregnancy was planned and it was controlled. The only miracle involved in this woman’s pregnancy is she found a doctor as insane as her willing to implant her crazy behind!

I on the other hand have a real story to tell and one that is not very well documented for women facing the same problem. See I had a Thermachoice Balloon Therapy Ablation 3 years ago. My doctor told me that I would never be able to have children again and it would stop my bleeding putting the end to any additional endometriosis growth. This was like a dream since I would be undergoing my 4th endometriosis surgery at the same time as the ablation. The doctor said this procedure was perfect for me since I cannot take birth control pills due to clotting problems. This procedure seemed like a dream come true, at least so I thought.

Now 3 years later I find myself pregnant possibly with twins! Now that I am reading more about this procedure on the web I find the company who makes Thermachoice suggests all patient have their tubes to prevent pregnancy. Needless to say I am in shock. I cannot figure out why this option was not given to me. During my procedure my doctor did a laparoscopy to check for any new endometriosis implantations/lesions. It would have been simple for him to tie my tubes since he was already in there but that was never discussed.

With this pregnancy there have already been some complications. I have unknown bleeding inside my uterus. I have had pain and pressure on the right side. During my first US a monoamniotic twin was discovered at 6w3d but no heartbeat was detected. Twin A on the other hand who was positioned anterior did get a nice heartbeat.

Right now there are so many what ifs but much hope from one High Risk OB that it is possible for me to carry to term. Now I really cannot count much of what this doctor said because he is running a real life baby factory in El Paso. His sono tech is popping out US at an alarming rate of 1 every 5 minutes. My exam lasted a total of 2 minutes (this was my second sono) and in that time she could not find twin B (she looked so hard in that 2 minute exam) told me I was 6w1d (a week after my 1st sono that gave me the age of 6w4d) and there was a pool of blood in my uterus. I was then ushered down the pregnant assembly line to the woman who checks your urine, gets your weight and blood pressure. Then ushered back to the holding bay to wait for a room to have a 3 minute conversation with the doctor. He confirms the finding of blood in my uterus and says I will be carefully monitored and with a lot of hope and prayer I have a 60% chance of carrying to term and having a vaginal delivery. This is when I put the breaks on and question the vaginal delivery since I have only read about c-section with hysterectomy at birth. At this point I am ready to go running screaming out of the office.

When I get home I call a Maternal and Fetal medicine group to see what High Risk OB they would refer. I was given a name and called that office. I scheduled an appointment and because I had so many concerns after visiting the bizarro Doctor a nurse called me back and spent 30 minutes on the phone with me. It is possible for the endometrial tissue to regenerate especially several years after the procedure. It is apparently pretty optomistic that my HCG numbers are so high.

I am scared to death because the recommendation of those who make this procedure is to terminate any and all pregnancies after ablation which I don’t think I can do. There is very little on the web following women who have had successful pregnancies/deliveries following ablation. So maybe this is my chance to help others facing the same problem. I NEED a publicist and someone to tell my story, right? Surely my story is worth more than some crazy chick wanted to pump out an entire litter of children.

Nadya Suleman- Problems with story

After finding out I am pregnant last week (3 years after having endometrial ablation) I became interested in this story (mainly out of boredom). I think I have read all the stories on the web and watched the video clip released with Ann Curry. Yes, being on bedrest means having way too much time on your hands.

One statement nobody in the media seems to have picked up on (not in any real way) were the statements involving Nadya’s childhood. This woman has claimed to have such a bad childhood, one that scarred her so badly that she thinks having all these children will solve her problems. Well why is she living with the people who caused her so much pain from such abuse? The abuse poor Nadya must have suffered to feel the way she does must have been horrid and placing her children in that danger to be abused like she was is insane!! That is of course if anyone believes the psycho chick’s story.

I too am an only child and while there are many disadvantages to raising an only child (for the child) it does not make a normal person behave so irresponsibly. Nadya claims she can provide for all these children after she completes school so why didn’t she wait until then to have them? Because what is best for her children does not matter, it is all about what she wants and “needs” not what they need.

The fertility doctor needs to loose his/her license. It is obvious this woman has mental issues yet they all went unchecked. The doctor had to of known she was unemployed, right? He/she had to of known about her back problems. Even if she did not tell him/her of her reasons for wanting all these children he/she would have had to known this is not normal behavior. Why on earth did this doctor allow this to happen? I have to wonder if the doctor is in fact the donor which might explain why this was allowed to go on. Just a theory anyway.

It has been reported that the house Nadya shares with her “abusive parents” is only a 3 bedroom home. Am I the only one who thinks that sounds incredibly unsafe and inappropriate for 6 children? Maybe that is why she is pushing for 2 million so she can buy a house that will hopefully be suitable for 14 children.

There are so many problems with this story but people are so full of supercharged emotions surrounding it they are forgetting to look at some very serious issues. Most importantly how safe are the 6 children in a home that produced such a mentally scarred adult? Are these children being provided for? Are they developing well? Do they show signs of abuse or neglect? Should CYFD investigate with the claims being made to the media?

Wild Horse

Driving along a rural road on an Indian Reservation I spot him yet again. Every time I see this horse (in different areas of the reservation) he runs off. This time he stays and he even looks at the camera for me. For a moment I am frozen, I cannot believe he is staying there. You have no idea how many times I have tried to capture this horse with my camera. I am scared to breathe as I lift my camera. I am scared to move too quickly and find that I am holding my breathe as I take the picture.

After taking some pictures I just sat there watching this magical looking creature. I decided I should talk to him and thank him for letting me take his pretty picture (yeah I do this with bugs too that’s how I get the shots I do). Once again he did not run and appeared to be acknowledging my thanks. I start the truck back up and drove away absolutely enthralled with my experience.

I get home and start processing the images of my magical horse. I posted on a few forums to find out more about this magnificent creature. Apparently according to one equestrian expert they believe this to be an Appaloosa and what appears to be dirt is most likely spots/markings. According to this person when a wild Appaloosa can find a free regular meal they will stay in the general area. So maybe he and I will meet again soon.

About the post processing. Since this horse has the look of a magical horse (to me anyway) I wanted to add to the feel. First I processed the image to give it a dreamy feel then I overlayed a TTV (through the viewfinder) image over the horse and merged the images.

Like all my photography this image can be purchased at Etsy or 1000 markets

CPSIA Act of 2008 Pissing Me Off

The more that I read of this long poorly written document the angrier I become. Let me ask a simple question. The problem that led to this Orwellian legislation was what exactly? Lets see, lead products hurting children right? Now where were these lead products coming from? Were children getting sick off of handcraft items? Not in any reports I have seen. All the reports I have seen show most of the offensive products coming from China. So why the legislation that hurts everyone? So big companies can stomp out the competition? So big companies don’t have deal with the movement to buy handmade? So they don’t have to worry about the mom and pop “buy in the USA” shops cutting into their profits?

So here is my theory. My theory is these companies purposely put lead in their products to initiate a crackdown for everyone. This was the surefire way to stop people from taking away any of their business since they could easily afford testing of their products but not the average small handmade business. Yet another bonus, what better way to cut out any losses from moms and dads selling their kids clothing and used toys forcing everyone to buy new or nothing!

Now maybe I am being a little devious with my next thought but I do believe in fighting fire with fire, loopholes are often a place to start. If parents want to continue to sell their products/used items without submitting for testing then make it very clear that the toys you make or are reselling are for collectors only and not intended for children under the age of 12. As artists we really have little control over what “stupid parents” decide to do with the products we sell right? You say it is not intended for children under 12 then the parents are to blame if they let their child play with it. After all you made it very clear in your listing right?

For the record I am a photographer and jewelry designer. None of my products are designed or made for children period but I am still outraged by this legislation. We have a large part of our nation in a huge financial crisis. Parents cannot afford to buy their children new clothing or new toys. They depend on the secondhand market and now because of the knucklehead bureaucratic morons in our government many people will suffer. The only people who will gain are the ones who put poison in our children’s products to begin with. Hmm, hardly seems like a punishment for the companies who are to blame!

Banks Get Creative To Make More Money

With all the banking woes out there banks have found a new way to make money. If people thought banks were unscrupulous before hold onto your panties.

Many banks are disguising their new practice as a way to “help their customer” when it is the bank who is helping themselves to your hard earned money. If you have a check card and have bills tied to that card be careful!! In very recent times if a business tried to charge a bill and there was no money in the account the card would decline. However now many banks have decided for “your benefit” they will pay the charge for you and charge you an overdraft fee for them helping you out. Some banks are even charging their customers a returned fee if the charge is declined and they do not pay it. Sounds so pleasant doesn’t it? I feel so warm and fuzzy.

The other scam banks are working to help their customers is changing policy without notifying their customers. As I was told by one bank representative this morning “we do notify our customers as we publish the changes on our website”. So customers are expected to go to the banks website to read changes instead of being notified by mail. To me this seems a bit dishonest and a wait to sneak in new changes without notifying customers properly. After all if the customer does not bother to read your website it is their fault since you the bank notified them. Yeah that sounds like a great service to one’s customer!

Hold on tight that is not all. Here is another scam to create more fees. If you have more than one checking account with your bank and you use the other accounts as overdraft protection be careful. My bank in the past would draw money from both accounts if either account could not cover the amount of the check being paid. Well they changed their policy recently which they notified their customers through their website only. Now they will only debit one account for the overdraft. So regardless if you have the money in the accounts to cover the check they return it and charge you a fee.

All these practices are designed to create more revenue for the bank and nothing more. The bank employees try to insult our intelligence by telling us how this will benefit only us the customer. It is not enough that these banks got government money (our money) in bailouts now they want to invent ways to stick it to their customer every chance they get. I encourage people to write their banks and their state representatives about this unfair banking practices. These issues are not isolated to a certain bank either as I have received reports from others who have experienced the same problems.

Supporting Etsy is more than supporting artists

Do people realise that when you buy from an artist on Etsy you are doing more than supporting the artist? More than likely you are helping to support a family. In my case I try to use my art to help support my family so I can stay home with my children. Caleb is 7 and Egan is 5. I decided to homeschool them because of a their gifted curse. I call it a gifted curse because I really do not view it is a disability but it is not always a blessing either. See Caleb is Autistic and Egan is Aspergers (high functioning Autistic). They are both extremely intelligent boys but sensory wise have many difficulties. This makes normal school impossible. Did I want to homeschool? NOPE, I was totally against the idea prior to having children.

Because of the stress of not only homeschooling but doing so with kids who have different needs I need an outlet. Without this outlet I would surely go bonkers. I actually have two passions that keep me sane. One is creating beautiful woven soldered jewelry and the second is photography. The problem is in order to create one has to be able to sell. When the economy started going south so did jewelry sales. I had to quit creating which left a huge void in my life. Photography was able to fill a portion of the void but it was not the same. One cannot justify taking money from the family to buy materials if one is not able to sell them right?

This is a dilemma most of us struggling artists face. We have to be able to create but we have to be able to feed the family too. Without the ability to create many artists are left in a depressive slump which benefits nobody in the family.

A buyer must also understand why it is an artist is having a sale. Many buyers think that the artist having a sale means their items were overpriced in the first place. Personally I have sold some jewelry where the sale price was way below the cost of materials I had in it, meaning I lost money. Our time is valuable and so are the materials we use. Example this weave http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=7797084 takes me 20+ hours to make plus materials which means I am working for about $10.00 an hour after deducting cost of materials. Now if times are tough and cut the price by 50% does that mean I was overcharging before? Of course not, it probably means I must put food on the table or pay a past due bill or get a recent rescued animal shots and spayed. Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures but this does not mean our work was overvalued before. When we have sales this is an opportunity for you to get a really nice piece of art on sale and help an artist out at the same time.

So please understand when you buy from any artist on Etsy or 1000markets you are supporting more than the artist. You are most like supporting children and pets as well. In my case you are supporting our family, our “unofficial dog rescue” currently at 5 dogs and our growing turtle rescue.

Please see the links to the right for links to my shops!

Going out of the way not to buy Chinese made

There is nothing worse than to going out of your way not to buy Chinese made then finding out you were deceived or ripped off.

Well there were two items this Christmas that I could not shop for a non-Chinese alternative and that was the NintendoDS lite. At least all the games I have found are made in Japan, or at least that is what I keep telling myself.

I have a good friend whose husband is from Germany. I cannot tell you how many time in the 2 years we have been friends I have heard her husband say “In Germany” and how superior Germany is. Well the boys got these really cool puzzles called Ravensburger Puzzles + Schleich (which is an included toy). On the box it says made in Germany. Well wouldn’t you expect all the pieces were made in Germany? Well take out the Schleich alligator or horse (depending on the puzzle you buy) and look where it is made- surprise China!

Now I have my Playmobil rant. Before I start I want to say I love playmobil toys BUT they are expensive for what you get. Do you know what you get? Do you know why they are made in Germany and not China? There is a real simple answer to that question. Because you the parent are the laborer! You put every piece of that toy together, you are the assembly worker so he needs for any Chinese labor. I can hear the executives saying and laughing “We here at playmobil save millions in labor every year. With cutting edge technology and little work force (which gives us bigger profits- ha ha ha) we can efficiently and quickly produce toys. It really is quiet simple how we do it. With zero need for assembly line workers to assemble the toys cutting huge costs, we have simply decided to let the stinkin parents put them together! Talk about having our cake and eating it too since we still charge high prices!! What fools these people are- ha ha ha”.

Well my boys each received 3 playmobil toys for Christmas. Approximately 4 hours after opening Christmas presents the 6 toys were assembled. Now some may ask if I am mechanically inclined and the answer is yes! But we are talking about several hundred little pieces of plastic that needed to be but together. Since this is the first time we have gotten playmobil and since my friend’s husband neglect to notify me of assembly line manufacturing job that was to befall me, I had no idea! Not to mention nowhere in the online store was the warning “huge assembly required” heck not even an attempt to lie by saying “some assembly required” you are just in shock when your child opens the present to find out it is not a toy at all, just tiny pieces of plastic for you to put together to make a toy for your child. I guess now we will know what Santa’s elves feel like. However next year I am writing to Santa and give him hell about his lazy elves not putting their toys together (at least that is what I told my boys lol).

Now I will go on my clothing rant. I have to drive over 60 miles to get to stores that offer clothing not Chinese made. JC Penny, Walmart and Kmart all sell clothing which “shockingly” (okay not really) are made in China. Last year I was on a mission at JC Penny to locate a winter jacket not made in China- wow that was not going to happen! Well in El Paso there is an outlet mall with all your favorite stores and guess what MOST of the items do not come from China BUT buyer beware because occasionally in your favorite store you will find one or two outfits that have China on the tag. This happened to me yesterday at Oshkosh. After looking though and selecting several outfits for my boys I was satisfied that all their clothing were non-China so I stopped looking at the tags. Well I pick out this adorable Train Engineer overalls for my 5 year old. This morning while hanging up the clothing I noticed on the tag made in China!! I was shocked and felt so ripped off and cheated. I thought I was shopping in a safe store to avoid made in China crap. So buyer beware and look at all the tags.

Did you know that even today you can buy clothing made right here in the USA? Yes, oh yes you can! There is a website called plainlydressed.com where you can buy clothing made by the Amish. Adorable clothing to boot.

Here is my little model wearing PlainlyDressed clothing:

Casey Anthony- Why the lies from the Authorities?

In a recent CNN report it states “Authorities have said Casey Anthony waited about a month before telling her family that Caylee was gone. Cindy Anthony — Caylee’s grandmother and Casey Anthony’s mother — called the Orange County sheriff’s office on July 15, saying her daughter would not tell her where Caylee was.”

The authorities also lied about the nature of the 911 call and one has to wonder why. The first call Cindy said nothing about her missing beloved granddaughter. Her concern no matter how flat and emotionless her voice was the fact her daughter had stolen her car and money. Only when she was on hold being transferred did she mention Caylee to apparently her daughter Casey who she already admitted was in the car with her. It was not until Cindy panicked possibly realising the exchange between her and Casey might have been recorded did she bring up any concern for her granddaughter. This realization took a little while to sink in to poor Cindy when less than an hour she called 911 again to give a different and more well acted (sarcasm) emotional story about this missing grandchild.

Here is a link http://blogs.discovery.com/criminal_report/files/caylee911orlando.mp3 of the first 911 call and it it does not send chills down your spine something is wrong! The Grandmother who knew about the child missing for a month calls the police to press charges against her daughter for stealing her car and money.

Cindy: “My next thing will be to file a child thing and we will get her. If that is the way you want to play, we’ll do it.”

Casey: “That’s not the way I want to play.”

Cindy: “Well then you have…”

Casey: “Give me one more day.”

Cindy: “No, I’m not giving you another day, I’ve given you a month.”

The conversation then ends when the Orange County Sheriff’s Office dispatcher picks up the line.

Does this tape, the coldness, the flatness of her conversation not concern you? In this tape, a tape the authorities are aware of Cindy says I am not giving you another day I have given you a month. How can you say “Authorities have said Casey Anthony waited about a month before telling her family that Caylee was gone.”? If Cindy gave her daughter a month, a month for what? Surely they are talking about Caylee since Cindy is talking about going to court to take her away. So what has Cindy given the daughter who lives with her a month to do? How could she not know her Granddaughter was missing? I am sorry but these cops need to get off their butts and look into the connection/involvement Cindy had with the disappearance of Caylee.

Here is another question for you all to ponder. Does anyone find it strange that Cindy said “There is something wrong,” she said. “I found my daughter’s car today [and] it smells like there’s been a dead body in the damn car.” Now who here would know what a dead body smelled like? If you smelled something bad in someone’s trunk would you leap to the fact they killed someone and stored them in the trunk for a few days? If it were me, would I immediately assume my child had killed someone and stored them in a trunk? Again if it were me and I assumed the dead body smell was my beloved missing granddaughter would I refer to this smell as “a dead body”? Sorry but people focusing on Casey’s lies while saying nothing about the apparent nutcase who raised this woman accused of killing her own child is perplexing to say the least. Surely we want justice for Caylee but is justice really served if all pieces of evidence, all parties at play are not thoroughly examined? Let’s not get blind-sighted here because we have what may be an open/shut case against the mother. For justice to be truly done all need to be held accountable for the part they played.

Is it really time for the ugly Christmas tree?

I have always loved buying a real Christmas tree. I would search the lots for the most pitiful looking Charlie Brown Christmas tree, take it home and make it beautiful. I remember one year my ex-husband and I went to a lot and there was this tree in the corner with a thick warped trunk but it was huge and the branches were spaced about 6 inches a part. I fell in love with it. I asked how much. The guy said, that ugly tree? Why do you want that ugly tree? I said I love it how much. He said he felt guilty selling it to me and asked again why would I want such a tree. Finally after 10 minutes of this back and forth he agreed to sell it to me for $5.00.

Well as the years have gone on and I have gotten older I have become more and more allergic to these wonderful trees. I now must settle for the ugly full, no personality artificial tree. Worse yet my son picked out the artificial tree he really really wanted and boy is this thing UGLY! And it is SILVER and did I mention ugly?

Actually saying it is ugly is not true. Once it is decorated this ugly tree just like my old Charlie Brown Christmas trees becomes beautiful.

Many years ago I had quite the collection of beautiful crystal ornaments that I had collected over a lot of years. Unfortunately they were all stolen from me. For years after I did not even bother to put up a tree. Not only was there crystal ornaments in the boxes stolen but special keepsake ornaments, ornaments from my childhood etc. Having kids made it necessary to get back into the holiday spirit. I still have never rebuilt my collection of special ornaments but today I took a baby step forward towards that.

While in Ruidoso NM I went into a little antique shop. They had two ornaments I fell in love with and not expensive like you would think. I will take pictures of them in the next few days to show them off here. These are the first ornaments I have bought myself in years.

Oh I also need to tell you how I got the ugly silver Christmas tree. Last year a friend, a friend I have never met in person but communicated with online bought me this tree and ornaments to put on it. She was determined to get me in the holiday spirit. This was a stressful time for Mike and I as Mike had just taken the big step of opening his own business. Money was extremely tight and we were waiting for a check from a large networking job we had just completed. We had no idea if we would be paid prior to Christmas or not. Not only did Cessy and Bob buy this ugly tree, they sent lovely ornaments, they sent the boys a ton of presents (spoiled them rotten) but sent Mike and I gifts too. For the first time in almost a decade I felt the magic of Christmas in me again.

This weekend we put up this ugly tree once again and make it beautiful. I will post pictures once we are done.